By Susan Vernicek

As you can see, I finished another book!  Those of you who are new to reading my book reviews, this is my challenge section.  I was never a huge reader so I challenge myself to read a book completely and write a bit about it.

Ever wonder why we are all so different and unique?  Why we all have different beliefs, values and morals?  Beverly D. Flaxington expresses and educates us on how we are all unique because of our filters. Beverly has made her career to focus on behavior and communication skills within relationships. It all starts from our childhood roots and has to do with everything we learn – or are exposed to – from that time on.

Beverly defines filters as a combination of our past experiences, our view of the world, our concepts of right and wrong, our behavioral preferences, and our values, (which are also different and unique between every human being).

So what do I think of this book?  I found this book very intriguing and heavy.  I could only read so much at a time to absorb the content, but again, I’m not an awesome reader so some of you may finish this book within weeks – it’s just 90 pages long. I notice that I pay more attention to my conversations and communication with others. How I interpret, how I react, and how I speak to others is extremely important to me and I plan to continue to achieve a maximum level of communication.

The five secrets to Human Behavior are: It’s All About Me, Behavioral Styles come Between Us, Values Speak Louder, Don’t Assume I Know What You Mean, and I’m Okay; You Are Most Definitely NOT Okay.  I connected most to the first secret; It’s All About Me.  No, I do not think it’s actually all about me, but I notice that I sometimes forget to ask about others and how they are, and really listen thoroughly to what they have to say.  I also notice after reading this section that many of us answer conversations about themselves.  For instance, whenever you have a conversation going on, the listener or listeners somehow always brings the conversation back to them and their experiences.  Beverly explains that is sounds so egocentric but we do it unintentionally because we unknowingly view every experience through our own lens.

Beverly offers a chance for changes, such as how to become a better listener, a better communicator and an overall better human being.  Her last chapter is about putting it all together and what will you do next with the knowledge you gained. Will you walk away and forget about it? Will you read, commit and practice these ideas?  I agree with Beverly in that you should learn how to avoid “jumping to conclusions, labeling others, and moving so quickly that you don’t focus on what someone else is really all about, and what they are trying to communicate to you.”


Beverly has provided a quiz for you below. If you answer yes to two or more of these questions, you may benefit from learning the five secrets.

(1) Do you have times where you feel like you are misunderstood?
(2) Are there people in your life you don't seem to understand?
(3) Do you sometimes feel like there is a disconnect between your communication style and that of another?
(4) Do you argue with someone over a point -- thinking you are so clear in you’re thinking -- only to find they don't change their mind?
(5) Has anyone ever said you are difficult to get along with?
(6) Do you know difficult people in your life?
(7) Do you wish sometimes that people would just give you a break?

If you can answer “yes” to two or more of these questions, give “Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior” a try. Available on Amazon.com