Q: I have been hanging out with a guy since August of 08. We dated from January 09-November of 09. I live at home and go to school, while he lives 3 hours away at school. We have been talking about getting back together since we broke up. While he was home over break we hung out every day. The day he went back to school he cried saying goodbye to me. Now that he is at school we don’t talk as much. He is going on a date this Friday night. I’m going to his school Saturday night. Him seeing other people really bothers me. I really want us to get back together, am I better off trying to work things out with him, or completely ending things?
– Kathy

A: I know this may be hard to hear, but it just sounds to me like you’re just the girl he dates when he’s home from school. All the “talks” of getting back together are simply to keep you wanting him while he’s gone, so he can slip back into your life at his convenience. The fact that he is dating someone else (after he cried in front of you) proves that he has moved on and doesn’t want a committed relationship with you. To answer your question, I highly recommend that you completely end things with him, because pursuing a guy would lead to more heartache. But know that when you do start to ignore him, he may start calling you again. However, it won’t be for what you’re you want, it will just be to sweet talk you long enough to get your attention to chase him again. Life is too short to settle in love, it’s just best to move on. 

Question:

I have been dating a guy casually for about 8 months. After about 2-3 weeks we became sexual and it has been that way ever since. About a month ago, we went out, things got really hot and heavy and we ended up having unprotected sex. He said he’s not having sex with anyone else. But I was still worried about it. Thankfully, I got my period four days later, but I am nervous about it all…I mean how would I know if I have an STD? - Rachel, 24, NYC

Answer:

The one symptom all STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) have in common is that they are asymptomatic. This means that they have no symptoms (in the beginning). STD’s (including HIV/AIDS) that go undiagnosed and untreated can cause in infertility, chronic viruses and terminal diseases. I highly recommend that you go to your gynecologist or the Planned Parenthood in your area ASAP and get tested for all STD’s. Afterwards, make a commitment for your sexual health and well-being to get tested in three months for HIV again. No matter what he says don’t believe him, he’s not committed to you. And if even if he was, you don’t know who he was with before you. Also, if you continue to be in this sexual relationship or any relationship for that matter, you need to ask your partner to get tested too. Until then and going forward keep using condoms every time you have sex.  Remember, one night of sex is never worth risking your life.

Question:

My boyfriend and I are painting his bedroom.  Now he is a VERY messy male, I mean sloppy. As we were moving his furniture to paint, I found an open condom wrapper!  I was like "wow, nice open wrapper". He was very shocked and said "I swear that was a LONG time ago.  He had no clue it was there. I was upset a bit, but kept it to myself. I'm over it now because I know he would never cheat and this had to have been before us. He is very messy so this is very possible for him not to clean up.  Should I have asked more? I'm so curious and a little jealous, let alone the visuals are not cool.... any advice?  - Kristy

Answer:

First of all, I think you did a smart thing talking to him about it as soon as you noticed. Also, the fact that you kept your composure while addressing it is even better! You need to be honest with yourself, because you are clearly not over it. You have to seriously ask yourself if your boyfriend has given you any reason(s) in the past not to trust him. If he has, then you need to ask yourself, why I am I still in this relationship? Where my self-worth? However, if he hasn’t given you any reason(s) in the past not to trust him, then let it go. Otherwise, you’re getting all worked up about someone from his past, which can mess up things between the two of you. We all get a little jealous or curious sometimes. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember what you said, he is very sloppy!

Question:

When I was in high school I was always the girl that had a lot of guy friends. It ended up being like this for two reasons. It was either that I liked a guy and he just wanted to be friends with me or the other way around. Regardless, I have some good friendships not to mention the inside scoop on what men are thinking…LOL! We talk on the phone all the time and hang out often, which it’s always fun. It sure beats being with some loser! But now that I want a boyfriend and I seem to, I keep running into this "friend" problem with guys. What do you think I should do?  - Jaime 27, NYC

Answer:

I can understand the fun of getting the inside scoop on men, but you need to take the info and run (just like a guy would). I know this may be tough to hear, but you created this by making yourself their “old reliable”. This is what men call women that are always there for them, when the women they really want to be with doesn’t want them or is unavailable. They use women to boost their egos as they show them off in front of other men and women to them make them jealous. You set yourself up for girlfriend duty without the title and privileges that come along with it. The best thing to do is to stop being available for male friends, because they will not be your friends when they find the “one”. To them you will just be that poor women that could never find a boyfriend. To answer your question, all your male friendships are blocking your energy from attracting a committed romantic relationship. Until you stop giving any guy that is your friend or that is not interested in your precious “Jaime” time, you will continue to be single. Remember, you have to love yourself first by never settling in love as someone’s understudy.

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