From the loan of a friend's car to a door held open for us by a stranger, we remember to say thank you for most things. We dash off a note when we've received a gift. We never arrive for a dinner invitation without bringing something for the hostess. What more can we possibly do to show our appreciation?

While the above are certainly a good start, they really fall into the category of simple good manners. However, there are other subtle yet powerful ways you can communicate the attitude that tells others they are valuable and important. Try saying, "I appreciate you," in some of these ways:

1. Address people by name.

This means, first of all, remembering the names of people - from new acquaintances to old school buddies. It's something worth working on. One thing that's helpful is using memory tricks like associating the name with another person, a rhyming word, or an acronym. One of the first women I met in the church we now attend introduced herself as Esther. "Queen Esther," I said to myself, and I've never forgotten her name. Also, try carrying a notebook with you and writing down the names of new people along with a physical characteristic or fact about them.

2. Note details and ask about them later.

When talking with new friends or old, listen carefully to what they say. Are they concerned about an aging parent or a sick spouse? Is there a wedding in the works or a house up for sale? When you meet them again, ask about the outcome of their challenge. To help with this, again, write it in your notebook, or make notes a few hours later. Writing and reviewing the details of your friends’ and acquaintances’ lives helps cement them in your memory.

3. Honor special occasions with a card, email or phone call.

List birthdays, anniversaries and other special days of friends and family on file cards or on a file in your computer. At the beginning of the New Year, transfer these dates to your daily calendar or to-do list. With all the computer calendars available these days, it's easy to send yourself an email reminder a week or more before the day so you  even have time to send a card via snail mail if you choose.

4. Pay attention to wishes.

My sister recently told me she was on the lookout for a particular book. Mom is thinking of getting herself a latté machine. So guess what I'm putting on my Christmas shopping list? When you give people what they wish for (within reason of course) they get the message that they're appreciated.

5. Observe, then give appropriately.

Form the habit of paying attention to the homes of friends and family members. Note color schemes, things they collect, and decorating themes. Does your workout partner have a kitchen that's all green and blue? Does your sister-in-law collect bells? Does your friend's house look like it stepped from the pages of a history book? Make a note of these things. Then, when it comes time to give a gift, you'll tell them with your appropriate one that you've noticed and appreciate their particular style.

6. Respect others' wallets.

Are your friends in a tight financial situation? Invite them for coffee at your house or arrange to meet for a picnic at a local park instead of going to a restaurant. Suggest free or inexpensive activities that your family can do with other families - like build sand castles on the beach, play croquet or bocce in the park, or rent DVDs and have movie nights in your home.

7. Serve meals with helpings of thoughtfulness.

You know how your mom always made your favorite when you came home from being away at school? Well, follow her example and serve your friends their favorites. Also, be aware of the food danger zone. If you're unsure, ask the people you've invited for a meal whether they have food allergies, are on a special diet, or have dietary preferences - are vegetarian or vegan. And don't pressure people to eat things they'd rather not - like rich desserts - when they're dieting.  Focusing your attention on others instead of yourself takes an initial attitude adjustment. But what a rewarding way to live - especially when all that appreciation begins to boomerang back to you.

By Violet Nesdoly, a freelancer