By Robin Sampson
You watch your friend meet an attractive man, converse over drinks and exchange numbers. Immediately, you wonder, “What is it that she has that I’m lacking? Why is it that every time we go out all of the attractive guys go to her and I’m left with the left-overs?” As you stand aimlessly at the bar, sipping your long gone amaretto sour, you begin to feel awkward, somewhat out of place. The music seems louder and the voices in your head begin firing off all of the tasks you could be doing instead of wasting time. Even the man who does strike a conversation with you, though interesting, you perceive as unworthy of your time. When he asks, “So, when can I see you again?” You look at your Blackberry® and see that nearly every day is booked solid—the gym on Monday, conference calls on Tuesday, and you have to meet with your college buddy on Wednesday. After all, it’s only been five years since you’ve last seen each other! You finally respond, “Well, I’ll get back to you; I’m running a tight schedule.” “Wow! You’re a busy woman!” he exclaims. In response to his comment, you nod your head in agreement and feel proud to finally have men work around your time. Nonetheless, deep inside you go home and think, “Why do I feel so lonely?”
In many dating books today, the concepts most repeated to women are “do not seem available” and “keep your agenda book full” in order to keep his attention. However, when do such messages create the reverse result? Instead of being available, you actually signal to potential suitors that you’re unavailable, not interested, or just plain overbooked!! How do we as women create space in our lives to welcome Mr. Possibility? It’s not to say that a busy, professional woman such as you should dedicate all of her precious time to that special someone at the expense of her goals. After all, that would bore ourselves, our agenda book, and our newfound man. So, how do we create physical, mental/emotional and spiritual space to attract love?
Clear out the mental clutter!
Many of us single gals take too much of an interest in who’s dating who, who’s getting married, and when will it be our turn? The “soap opera” lives of our friends that we view as fascinating are merely projections of how we really feel inside: left out. How may we allow space for internal reflection when our minds are literally occupied with everyone else? Given the daily tasks we women must juggle in a day, it is easy to loose touch with ourselves. It is important to give back to ourselves by being connected with how we feel within our bodies and being aware of the space we’re mentally creating. So, how do we create this mental space? A common technique used in meditation is centering. Meditation and becoming centered with oneself will create space to focus on what’s most important—you. When using a centering technique, it is recommended that you find a quiet place to unwind and to be connected to yourself. There is no right or wrong way to meditate so long as it feels good and peaceful to you. One may choose to meditate on her own using soft music, meditation CDs, yoga, or even to hire a life coach. Working with a life coach, in contrast to other methods, will enable one to find clarity within herself as to set more powerful intentions that will manifest in the external world. Think of what would be possible for us women if we were able to get clear on our needs! If we are mentally “open”, then we are now leaving room for Mr. Possibility to fill the space!
Create positive energy in your living space!
According to feng shui experts, re-arranging the furniture in one’s living space can shift energy and welcome new opportunities! Whether we are re-arranging furniture, or decorating our space with treasured tokens that remind us of our desires, we are setting the stage to receive such desires. Though this is good news, it is not necessary to feel that we must all be feng shui experts or hire one! What is most important is that we as women feel good about our environment. Just as meditation can help when creating mental and spiritual space, keeping our homes free of physical clutter will shift our energy. Ridding our closets and drawers of outdated papers and files helps the mind, body, and spirit to be grounded in the present. If we are no longer “holding on” to the past, then we create a spiritual welcome mat for opportunities to come. Not to mention, we begin to feel good about ourselves and possibilities are endless when we put our minds in such a state! Feel free to decorate your living space with what makes you happy. Allow yourself to be reminded of your intentions! If we are constantly reminded of what it is we want in life, we are emitting an energy that is inviting the Universe to shift in our favor!
Envision your ideal partner!
According to Biblical scripture, “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint” (“a man without vision shall perish”) (proverbs 29:18). However, what would it sound like if we said “a woman without a vision for her ideal man shall date aimlessly?” If you haven’t already, take out a pad and pencil and jot down qualities you want in your ideal man. Next, set the intention that you’ll encounter that man and then let the Universe take care of the rest. At this point you may be wondering: how do I set an intention? An intention is simply asking for what you want and having faith that you will receive it. If we use the example of writing down the qualities you most seek in a man, there is something almost magical that happens: you’ll more readily recognize him because the idea has been ingrained in your memory. Your man filter will work properly now that it has been unclogged! Our thoughts are powerful. We set intentions everyday, without even realizing it! The question is how aware are we of the intentions we set on a daily basis and the results they yield in our life? If you’re a woman whose energy is more focused on completing a work-related project than attracting Mr. Possibility, you may not recognize him even if you both shared the same space! Does this mean you must only think one thought at a time? Of course not! In fact, it’s virtually impossible to keep track of all of our thoughts, not to mention to hold only one in our minds at a time! The key here is to be clear about what you want and intending that you get it! Writing down the qualities of an ideal man for you will help you filter the “duds” from the “studs”.
Now, for the real fun part! The next time you engage in your favorite activities, imagine that you are doing them with your partner. You will create a more positive, open aura that will attract potential partners. They will see that you’re having fun, enjoying yourself and want to be part of that! It’s almost like walking around with an invisible sign on your head that reads, “Vacancy. Position Available.”
So, there you have it—how to create space to welcome Mr. Possibility in three easy steps! The next time you find yourself overbooked or feeling unlucky in love, ask yourself, “How may I create more space in my life?” Create the space, set the intention and let the energy flow your way.
Robin Sampson is a Women’s Empowerment Coach who helps women in transition create a sense of personal independence and identity as to regain balance in their lives. She may be reached at [email protected].