It may be difficult for a parent to accept their child's marriage. But is it more difficult to accept your child's same-sex marriage? Emily Jager discusses the issues that may arise for a parent who has a gay son and explains how it is no different than having a straight son. Marriage is marriage and romance is romance. Isn't everyone entitled to love regardless of their identity?
By Emily Jager
Accepting the truth about your child's marriage with a same-sex person can be quite a big problem initially. The shock and perhaps some anger can make you feel miserable as you had previous notions about your son. You had a difficult task accepting your child was gay earlier, and now, you have to battle with the idea that he would marry another man.
It goes against your idea of marriage and the very shock and disbelief that greeted you when you first came to know about your child's sexual orientation. You know very well how society views gay men and their relationships. And marriage is something that is stigmatized by society and most are still at odds with the issue. The recent Proposal 8 in the United States would make lives more difficult for gay and lesbians and all same-sex marriages.
Nearly half the states in the U.S. are against same-sex marriages and gay relationships. It is only a few states where they are legal and rights are given to gay couples to also adopt children. But it does not get easier and states try to keep some discrimination at every level. From the child adoption agencies to the home owners, gay couples find so many against them.
These may figure in your mind when you are faced with accepting the truth about your gay son's marriage. It does not end with you accepting another boy or man who would share his life with your son. But doesn't the same thing happen in heterosexual marriages? There are misunderstandings and fights in any relationship. Your child was born that way and being gay is not his overall personality, but a very small fraction of it.
It is quite natural that he would marry some time in his life as like heterosexuals of his age. He too is attracted and inclined to romance. But unlike them, his attraction is only toward members of his own sex. How can you deny him the only way that he could be happy and start a family? Don't you think he has the same intensity of romance? If you know he is perfectly normal, then you should easily accept the truth. His future lies in marrying another gay person.
You may not have got on well with your daughter-in-law if you had a straight child or may not have liked your son's choice. In a gay marriage, similar problems can arise, but they are not gay-marriage specific. It is the need to accept the truth for your gay child's sake as it is his life. He has to be happy and his happiness is what you, as a parent, can hope for and support.