Wedding Planning: “To Do’s” for the Just Engaged is a place for all of you who are about to enter this next chapter of your life. Reverend Mattie has guided brides from thirty states and two continents to perfect wedding days as the former owner of a successful wedding planning firm. In demand as an ordained nondenominational minister, officiant and celebrant, she is known for custom wedding ceremonies performed legally for all beliefs, all traditions, all locations throughout New Jersey, New York and eastern Pennsylvania.
By Reverend Mattie
What’s the groom really thinking about wedding planning? Here is a cheat sheet to reading his mind and simultaneously deciphering what he is saying. For many a smart plugged-in groom, the wedding planning process is a minefield of peculiar customs, first-time-I-heard-about-this etiquette, and strange tension.
“Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll take care of it.”
Unless your groom has been sneaking peeks at your bridal magazines, he likely does not know what he could be responsible for after hunting down the ring and proposing.
It is an honest question, and clears the way for a discussion rather than a rapid fire directive.
Will there be a honeymoon? Do you and your groom need a pressure-free getaway after months of relentless wedding planning?
Some grooms are eager to arrange for a getaway trip you’ll both love. Others see no need for a vacation after spending so much money on a wedding. If this is your groom and you long to get away, ask a trusted married male friend or relative to bring up the topic. A casual conversation might be just the ticket to share a laid-back paradise. A more direct option is to tear out an article and go over it together for ideas and on-point chat.
“My friends aren’t D-listers.”
While you love your groom, maybe you are not so wild about a few of his friends. He will notice and be irritated if you insist on burying them next to the food service entrance. Start the seating process by assigning the best seats to close family and attendants. Remember that the reception venue will put numbers randomly on the tables. If you want certain tables to be the best seats, draw a floor plan and give it to the reception coordinator responsible for your wedding. Have a trusted friend or relative check on the table number placement. Putting a table of the groom’s friends toward the back is easier to agree to if a table of your friends is in proximity.
“I like how you look without makeup.”
If there is a bride on the face of the Earth who does not want to look her best on her wedding day, please identify yourself. What the groom is really saying is that he wants to recognize you as the woman he fell in love with as you proceed to the wedding ceremony space. Choosing heavy make-up, tortured hair and accessories that pull focus from you is risky at best. Wedding day looks chosen to enhance your distinctive style and features take you from neutral to naturally looking your very best in person, photos and video.
“I have no idea. You pick.”
Many a groom has little interest in matching or contrasting table linens. A clue is the vacant look in his eyes as he blankly scans his handheld device. Try narrowing the choice and be more specific. For example, I like this flower and this flower. Which one do you like? He is more likely to give you a direct response. For many a groom these types of aesthetic choices are foreign territory. Rather than disinterest, your groom may be communicating his trust in your judgement. Plus, he may be trying to de-stress himself.
“I’m not wearing a bow tie.”
Think he will look his most handsome in a classic tuxedo? Arrange an appointment at a formal wear firm to look over possibilities. Chat about the wedding style, time, location, and so on. Allow your groom to choose his own attire. An experienced salesperson can suggest attire that will look best on him, and not look dated in photos. An experienced tailor insures the fit of the formal wear or suit to flatter the groom while being comfortable at the same time.
“Of course I was listening.”
Actually, he really wasn’t listening. The two of you have been wedding planning for months and months. It’s not fresh to him anymore. And by the way, at this point it is inconceivable to him that there are still more things to decide about the wedding.
Instead of being whipsawed by wedding planning, you can accept the realities of the process, appreciate the complexity of the event, and set in motion the actions essential to achieve a wedding day perfect for you.
Reverend Mattie has guided brides from 30 states and two continents to perfect wedding days as the former owner of a successful wedding planning firm. In demand as an ordained nondenominational minister, officiant and celebrant, she is known for custom wedding ceremonies performed legally for all beliefs, all traditions, all locations throughout New Jersey, New York and eastern Pennsylvania. Reach Reverend Mattie today.
Copyright 2011 Reverend Mattie all rights reserved.
