I’m Alone, but Alive

Written by Cassia L. Rainne

Single women may find this a trying time of year. Life always continues whether a relationship comes along or not. Join author Cassia Rainne as she shares “I’m Alone, but Alive.

Written By Cassia Rainne

IdtMgMarch2013With Valentine’s Day just behind us and spring love on the verge of blooming, a single woman may find this a trying time of year. A few weeks ago I saw a meme that read: “Don’t worry if no one loves you on Valentine’s Day, no one loves you on the other 364 days of the year either”. I have to admit it, I laughed, guffawed actually. I read another one that said: “You’re complaining about being alone on Valentine’s Day?   Well, people are without fathers on Father’s Day and mothers on Mother’s Day too, so quit complaining!”.   That really got me thinking about being alone, the concept of being alone, and how society tends to attach loneliness with being unloved.

For many singles out there being alone does equal being unloved; it equals it and they accept it, but it just doesn’t have to be that way.   It doesn’t when you remember to love yourself first. There’s no relationship more important than that one and it is a relationship that must be cultivated; if you can’t do that, then who else would want to be with you? Yes, it is the love yourself so that someone else will love you mentality. Doesn’t that just sound painfully cliché? Well, it’s painfully true too.

I started thinking about where this misconception came from; in order to be important and or worthy you must be half of a relationship.  For me, I think it began in high school. That was the last time that I put sound stock in that ideology.   In high school, proms and homecomings have the ability to make or break a social life. When all of your friends have boyfriends and are getting excited about dresses and their first everythings and anythings with them, being alone does feel like death.   In fact, to be more specific it was equivalent to leprosy.

Now, over a decade later, I don’t care much either way. I’ve let that desperate need to be validated by a relationship go. I’m awesome, relationship or not. That doesn’t mean that I’d shy away from a relationship if one came along, it does, however, mean that life continues whether one does come along or not. I realized that and made the choice to embrace my single self, and you know what? I’m not half bad to hang out with. I go where I like, see what I like, seek out the things that I find curious; I handle whatever it is that life throws my way and every day I find reasons to smile. All of that, and I am single…go figure. I’m alone, but alive.

No one should be defined by or restricted by society’s view of the necessity of a relationship. If you aren’t aware of that, then you’re in dire need of some you time. It’s alright, and in fact necessary to be aware of the person you are; to accept and love her, relationship or not  respect her, treat her well. I treat myself well every day, relationship or not. I have fun, laugh, and explore. I do things for me, and why not?

Here are ten of the most interesting and fun things I have done over the last few months, give a few of them a try.

  • Redecorate a room in your house. This doesn’t have to be expensive, or elaborate, it can be quite simple really. I typically start with a room that I rarely frequent and think about what it is that keeps me from using that room. Once I figure that out, I think about how to change it. Sometimes it is as simple as moving a chair, or a lamp. I discovered one of my favorite writing spots in the house that way.
  • Find a new café or restaurant in your town and head on over. Listen, you might be single but who says you have to miss out on the new and the interesting? There’s nothing wrong with spending an afternoon in a café with a good book, or a journal. Bring your favorite WiFi compatible device, plug in and enjoy.   Test out their menu, their coffee, their décor. And please, don’t worry about who might see you alone. 1st if they are alone too, they have no room to judge. 2nd if they aren’t alone then they are likely miserable with who they’re with since they are so focused on what you’re doing.
  • Buy yourself some lingerie. Take a day off and spend the entire day strutting around the house in your sexiest attire. And whom are you looking sexy for? YOU! And don’t feel silly about it either, you’re gorgeous! Don’t be afraid to buy something pretty, low cut and see through. Take a few minutes to admire yourself in the mirror. Accept your beauty, accept your flaws, and accept that you are desirable, relationship or not. We get so caught up in what we SHOULD look like; we forget to love what we look like. Don’t wait for a relationship to remind you.
  • Go to the movies…YES, go alone.  There’s nothing wrong with it, and once more if people are more into why you are alone rather than watching the movie, or whispering to the person that they are with, then they have more problems than you anyway. Pay them no mind, you paid for a movie. Laugh when it’s funny, cry when it’s not, and hog the popcorn. Enjoy it!
  • Pamper yourself (this is actually a great precursor to number 3). Yes, it would be lovely to come in from work, have someone draw you a relaxing and sweet smelling bath, with your favorite libation of choice near the tub, and the room filled with the soft glow of candles and your latest iTunes purchase…well, get to it woman! Is there any reason why you can’t do that for yourself?
  • Learn to cook something you’ve never made before. What’s worse than cooking for one? Um being hungry or eating something dreadfully boring, for one. Be alone, but for the love of it all, don’t be boring! Find something that sounds good, but you were always nervous to try, or a menu item that you had and adored. Learn something new, eat, be accomplished; you’ll still have to do the dishes though, but not that many.
  • Start journaling, even if you have never written before. And this IS the time you want to remember. You want to remember when you began to discover you. Write about your hopes, your dreams, your fears…whatever.  Just get it down and get to know yourself in this new and refreshing light.
  • Take a weekend for yourself and go out of town. See a place you’ve always wanted to or one you’ve been to before.   Whatever draws you to that town, seek it out and explore it. Learn something new, and don’t be afraid. Use your smarts, in before dark, stick to crowded places and be mindful of your surroundings. Above all else explore.
  • Head out to a park in your area and take a walk, admire the clouds, trees, and the flowers. Is the beauty of nature only for those walking in the park holding hands? No, absolutely not. Go out there and capture some of the beauty for yourself. Re-introduce yourself to the beauty of a sun rise or a sun set; witness that unparalleled beauty, then implement number 7.
  • Finish this sentence, “You know, I’ve always want to…” Well, go and do it!

I’m not saying these things are better than a relationship, and I’m not saying these things should be done in replacement of one, I am saying, however, that life must continue even though you aren’t in a relationship. I am saying that it’s okay to be alone and to enjoy it. Besides if you honestly can’t enjoy time well spent with you, how can you expect someone else to enjoy it? Being alone and accepting it, doesn’t equate to being lonely, and it sure as hell doesn’t have to mean you’re miserable, unless you allow it.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?
I’ve accepted that some times in this life, despite our best efforts we have to walk alone. I have also accepted that I still have to get through life, alone or not, therefore I strut.

What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
I appreciate my strength, and my determination. The more I am doubted, the more I fight.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
I try to keep things positive and leave negatives by the way side. Any day that I have achieved that, is a day to be proud of. My goal is to do it more often, it will make me the best me possible.

What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
I’m like all human beings, I am perfectly flawed. I make mistakes too, I just try to laugh at them. I try to find humor in all things. It keeps me stable and out of jail.

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
I love my…curious nature. I wonder about a lot, seek out a lot, and enjoy the exploration.

About the author

Cassia L. Rainne

Cassia L Rainne is a recent MFAW graduate from Goddard College living, teaching, and writing in the northeast. She graduated from Penn State University with a bachelor's in psychology. Currently, she is working in higher education as both an Adjunct English Literature Instructor and as an academic advisor. She's been an editor, a guest lecturer, and spent 4 years as a radio show host. She is also an actress, director and a producer. Being a self proclaimed foodie, avid shopper and traveler, she fills her free time with home cooked meals and accessorizing both home and abroad. When she isn't doing any of the aforementioned, she is standing in tree pose focusing on what's next.


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