Who Are You, Really?

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Written by Cassia L. Rainne

What do you believe about yourself? Do you believe that you are smart? Funny? Join author Cassia Rainne as she shares “Who Are You, Really?

Written by Cassia Rainne


If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?   Does there need to be verification of the sound? Or can we just believe that it happened? Let’s take this into another direction.  Are you, or am I only beautiful if we are told that we are beautiful? Am I only smart if I am told that I am smart? Does someone have to make it ok for me to know what is or isn’t true about myself? How is it that we can identify with the elements of our personality unless we’re told? Must it be verified?

There are memes going around now that say, Always be yourself, everyone else is taken, or Always be yourself unless you can be an unicorn, then be an unicorn; or be Batman… I don’t remember which. Personally, I don’t want to be a unicorn, or Batman.  I want to be me and I want you to be you. This brings me back to my original questions, if we aren’t told; do we know who we are?

YES, I believe so.

As children we aren’t who we will be. Experiences have yet to shape us, our likes and dislikes have yet to fully develop. Sometime between childhood and who you are today, you began to identify more and more with who you were going to be. Any mother would say that they looked at their child a moment after its birth and instantly knew that they would grow to be an amazing person. Did your parents tell you that you could be anything that you wanted to be? Mine did and I believed them.  It became a part of my identity. Whether anyone else tells me who I ought to be, I already know who I am because I took that power very early on.  I adopted the belief that I could be anyone I wanted to be   as part of who I am; there’s no coming back from that.

Essentially your identity becomes anything that you believe about yourself to be true. Your thoughts on you ultimately define you. It does not have to be, and should not be someone else’s definition of you. I decided to achieve a lot. I wanted to do it. At first, I wanted my parents to be proud of me, but then I decided that I wanted to be proud of myself. I adopted their belief in my strength and my abilities.

What do you believe about yourself? Do you believe that you are smart? Funny? Caring? Strong? If so, then these are elements of your identity. Do you believe that you are a lost cause? No good? Not as good as your friends? Disgusting? Then these too, are elements of your identity. You have the choice to love yourself and thus love your identity, or make life changes until you can love who you will become. We are all flawed, we have all made mistakes. These flaws and mistakes are part of who we are and that is ok as long as we learn from them and better ourselves. It takes some deep thought, learning, and sometimes tears, but you can get there in the end.

We all have paths that we have to lead. I say lead because we all go our own way. Even if you are doing something that someone else did before you, you are doing it with your experiences and through your eyes; therefore you are leading yourself. Two years ago I did not think that I would own half of a media company. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get a master’s degree, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to move. All of those things have since happened. They are all now a part of who I am, and I am happy for those experiences and happy to include them as a part of my identity.

Get out of the cage you’ve been put forced into. I am challenging you to be who you are and not what people demand of you. Who you are, who you will become with life experiences, and who you believe you are is far more important than who people think that you are. Tap into your identity by owning your identity. If you are hiding something, stop. If you are denying something, stop. It’s alright to be you, although having Batman’s gadgets would be pretty awesome.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

      Popeye said it best, “I am what I am, and that’s all I am”. Why would I want to be anything else? I accept me…my flaws, my awesome. If they aren’t awesome, then I will work on them, and I will become a better me and I accept that.

What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
It doesn’t matter where I am, what I am doing, or who is in attendance, I’m still me. I have heard people say, “I need to be around people I am myself with” or “I can’t show you the real me”…well who they devil are you normally, and how many yous are in there?

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
I’ve spent a lot of time with me, and I have gotten to know me; not enough people spend time doing that. I want to keep learning about myself. I want to keep growing as a person, and I want to love her more and more every day.

What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
I don’t wear business suits. I refuse. Never for an interview, a meeting…never. I don’t like them. The most I’ll do are heels, dress shirt, pencil skirt or dress pants and a vest or a nice sweat, but a suit? (Ok, I am just missing the jacket.) I just can’t with the full on suit. It’s just part of who I am. I don’t like stockings either…I absolutely refuse.

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

About the author

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Cassia L. Rainne

Cassia L Rainne is a recent MFAW graduate from Goddard College living, teaching, and writing in the northeast. She graduated from Penn State University with a bachelor's in psychology. Currently, she is working in higher education as both an Adjunct English Literature Instructor and as an academic advisor. She's been an editor, a guest lecturer, and spent 4 years as a radio show host. She is also an actress, director and a producer. Being a self proclaimed foodie, avid shopper and traveler, she fills her free time with home cooked meals and accessorizing both home and abroad. When she isn't doing any of the aforementioned, she is standing in tree pose focusing on what's next.

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