When we care for someone in our lives, we want to help them and love them. By revealing to someone our feelings of affection for them, we are validating ourselves to be worthy to be loved. Author Lorna Anne shares her thoughts in “A Call To Love.“
Written by Lorna Anne
Why it is important to reach out and express our feelings of love for others — even if it is unrequited!!
The sheer terror of revealing to someone our feelings of affection for them, when their feelings for us are unknown or uncertain, is a tremendously growth expanding experience for those who have been brave enough to be honest. It means that they valued themselves enough by validating themselves as worthy to be loved.
What is the fear that can paralyze us to the point of not communicating our feelings? Primarily, it is the fear of rejection; and also the fear of looking stupid or being overly sentimental. Let’s explore the worst case scenario of responses that could come from the other: ridicule, insult, rejection, or being ignored. Why would we ever want to subject ourselves to that?
Because there is something going on here that is bigger than the hit to our egos. If we care for someone, we want to be their allies — to help them and love them. By coming from a place of love, and sharing that wonderful gift (under any circumstance), we set up a choice for that other person. They must make a response of some sort to you.
Whether it is the worst case scenario or not, you are making them deal with their feelings toward you, hopefully in a courteous, respectful way. If they don’t, they have the rest of their lives to realize their harsh and cruel behavior.
Be brave and courageous and wear your heart on your sleeve because it’s not about protecting yourself (people with fragile egos and lack of self worth do that). It’s about getting in touch and being proud of honoring your true feelings, and hopefully, teaching others to see the value of theirs. There is someone out there for everyone and being emotionally honest makes you an active participant in finding them.
A disrespectful response comes from someone who dislikes themselves or who is filled with fear. Feel sorry for them. Don’t take it out on yourself personally, because it’s their problem. You did your best. If you have a really healthy sense of self worth and someone treats you like that, it should destroy your feelings of wanting to be with that person, because they are beneath your standards of how you should be treated by others. However, if you have low self worth, you figure you deserve it and you stay trapped.
On your part, there is no wisdom in denying your feelings because it perpetuates a negative downward spiral of isolation, and even more negative self worth. Giving away your power and not saying anything, eliminates any potential if there ever was a possibility. To abandon your feelings because you pre-decide how the reality will play itself out is incorrect.
Shutting down one’s emotions is also physically unhealthy. To believe in one’s heart is what is right and true, regardless of whether there’s payback for honoring it. By making the other person make a choice, we’ve created a pro-active karma in terms of teaching others to overcome their biases against those who care.
The act of emotional honesty is a revelation for understanding our unconscious biases against ourselves and others. It is also one of the most liberating and cathartic experiences for those with low self worth because it is self-validating.. Try it! You have nothing to lose, only to gain!
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.
What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?
An unconditional acceptance of reality as good, nurturing and positive, rather than frightening, negative and destructive.
What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
My fairness, moral courage and fortitude.
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
Getting my writing published. Future goal: to help clean up irrational fear from the world.
What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
I am a unique individual, willing to sacrifice what I must, in order to pursue wisdom and my truth.
How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
I love myself and my world.