Appreciation connects you to love by loving what’s happening. It may be even more powerful to use appreciation when you experience an event as negative. Join author Kirra Sherman as she shares “When the “Sh$t Hits the Fan”: 3 Questions that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.”
If you love life, it will love you back…
Every thanksgiving, most people I know reflect on what they are grateful for. It’s a beautiful tradition we share in the US that I love.
In my family, we usually go around the table one-by-one to share what we appreciate aloud to each other. What’s special to me is that we seem to remember what’s truly important to us in our lives.
“I’m thankful for my health, for the health of my family…” something that is perhaps lost in the day-to-day living of life. “I’m thankful for those around me who I love, my family, being here today, for everything in my life…”
All of a sudden, the bigger picture of our lives emerges, and the little things making up one’s “life problems” appear smaller.
Appreciation is a powerful thing. What is appreciation? It’s love, isn’t it?
- 1. Appreciation has the power to put the bigger picture into perspective.
- 2. Appreciation has the power to give life to what may appear dead by placing a light where one may only see darkness.
- 3. And appreciation can cause you to see how life is supporting you, even when the sh$t hits the fan in your life circumstances.
The power of appreciation not only has the power to add love to your life by making life into a friend rather than an enemy, but it disarms resistance to what is. Without resistance, you fall into a natural state of acceptance.
Appreciation connects you to love by loving what’s happening. It may be easy to find appreciation for what you see as positive, but it’s sometimes even more powerful to use appreciation when you experience an event as negative.
In many of my coaching consultations, one of the role’s I often play is to help my clients realize how NEGATIVE circumstances in their lives are supporting someone. The first response is usually: “it’s not supporting me.” However upon deeper reflection, they often see that no matter how difficult some events may be, negative experiences are often a catalyst for change.
“Would you and I be having this soul-searching, heart-opening conversation together if you were in the relationship you wanted to be in?” I’ll ask for example. (Insert: making money, in the relationship you want & making money, in good health, or any other solution to the perceived problem someone will be suffering from and the reason why they came to me in the first place)
Usually the client response is, “No, we probably wouldn’t.”
“Would you be connecting with your heart at such a deep level if we weren’t talking right now, and everything in your life was perfect?” is often my next question. Usually the answer is: “No.”
If you believe that everything happens for a reason, it’s easier to accept what life is giving you in the form of circumstances because you believe that it must be for a purpose. But sometimes it’s not until an event is long past that one realizes the greater purpose for how that negative event led to a positive experience, or vice versa.
{FOR THOSE WHO ARE MORE ADVANCED: you may already know that it’s your perception and judgments (emotional charges) that causes you to experience an event as positive or negative when the truth is, all events are actually neutral. Appreciation and acceptance comes even faster at this point because you know you brought that circumstance into your life for you to transcend your fear and your judgment. At this point, sh$t hitting the fan means opportunity and challenge simultaneously, as one does not come without the other. You don’t look for the positive in the negative, or the negative in the positive, you go straight for the Truth: that I’ve created this circumstance to support me, it’s neutral; I’ve asked for it to come from life itself (who you truly are); AND it is a circumstance created out of love for me to EXPAND.}
In my experience, life IS supporting you always, in all ways, even when you can’t see the bigger picture. In order to connect with the bigger picture, cultivate true appreciation, not just when things are going well in your life, but when they’re going really badly.
In my experience of hard times, when I was just miserable enough in my external circumstances, it made me just hungry enough for my heart, which kept me on the journey of Truth. Because the alternative was working hard towards–and depending on–an ever-changing external world that never gave me the kind of fulfillment that a deep connection with my heart gives me.
I’m so appreciative life didn’t give me everything “I thought” I wanted because I wouldn’t have such a connection with my heart now.
To be in your heart is to be humble, and when in that kind of appreciation, is there really any problems that truly matter? When you’re with those you love, doing what you love, and being whom you love, don’t your pains and disappointments grow smaller?
So, how does “sh$t hitting the fan” support you to realize what’s important?
Well, here are a few things I’ve picked up from being a mentor to others based on my own personal experience of reclaiming power from my external world:
- A. Sometimes life is trying to humble you because you’ve picked up a sense of entitlement or arrogance and YOU ARE NOT in your heart;
- B. Sometimes life is throwing you a curve ball so you can pick up a life lesson and really rise up to a challenge through a direct experience (this creates wisdom);
- C. Sometimes life is building you by giving you failures so you can become ready for a bigger dream (i.e. if fear of failure is holding you back from a big dream, isn’t it best to face your fears? In certain instances, the best way to overcome a fear of failure may be to fail.)
Think of examples from your own life: Have you personally experienced how a business may have failed so you can start the next one? Or, one relationship ended so that the new one could come? Don’t some of the best relationships have the power to ignite the most painful breakups? And have you ever noticed how some of the worst things that have ever happened to you end up building you to become stronger, or have led to a positive experience? Or, how some of the most exciting opportunities led to some of the deepest disappointments?
My journey of self-awareness went from one of resistance and suffering to one of effortless acceptance the more I connected with appreciation for every single circumstance that life was throwing at me–the moment they happened. The more I connected with how life was supporting me, the less I resisted what life was giving to me.
And through appreciation, I transitioned from feeling like a victim to empowering myself through every single experience I’ve had, present and past. I’ve come to see each circumstance as a gift.
If someone died, I felt the pain, and then asked myself how it was supporting me. If my business failed, I felt the disappointment and feelings of failure, and then I asked my heart how it was supporting me. If someone said something that hurt my feelings, I felt my hurt, and then I asked my true self how it is supporting me.
I do my best to resist nothing because I’ve come to experience that it’s all supporting me somehow.
For more joy to abound in your life, it’s not about what happens that matters as much as how you respond to what happens.
When life throws you a curveball, if you rise to the challenge, you can hit the ball into the outfield, and the satisfaction you feel may be even more rewarding than if it was a straight pitch.
Because it’s in the difficulty of running the marathon, or chasing your dream, or working towards some great accomplishment, including the failures and disappointments, that make each life experience meaningful.
If everything was super easy, including life, would it be as rewarding?
The trick to a more effortless life is to find appreciation for what life is giving you in the form of circumstances, events, or people (positive OR negative experiences), by connecting with how it’s supporting you. Then you will naturally accept and appreciate what comes into your life.
You can wait for a near death experience, or for thanksgiving, or for sh$t to hit the fan for you to WAKE UP to these wisdoms. But why wait for sh$t to hit the fan, or for a near death experience? Just connect with appreciation NOW.
3 Questions to ask yourself in your own life THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE IF YOU APPLY THEM:
- 1. How is this supporting me to realize a life lesson (no matter how painful, how negative, and how positive)?
- 2. How is what life is giving to me in the form of these circumstances supportive to connecting with my heart at a deeper level?
- 3. How can I use this to empower myself — ask yourself what is your bigger picture and how is this circumstance possibly supporting me towards achieving what would I would truly love?
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.
What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?
Myself. Little by little I’ve learned to see my self through the eyes of love and find the perfection of life by embracing my humanity. I’ve accepting that everything I’ve experienced in my life has supported me to expand into my truth.
What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
I appreciate that no matter what challenges I’ve faced, I’ve decided to take the road less traveled and appreciate everything that has ever happened in my life because every event has brought me to exploring the aliveness of life itself.
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
When I first left my corporate job, it was my most rewarding achievement because I was so afraid of leaving the security I believed it gave me (at the time) and so taking that leap led me to a path of becoming an entrepreneur and following my heart wherever it may lead.
My biggest goal right now is finish a book I’ve been writing.
What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
I don’t believe in a “not-so-perfect-way” because everything can be turned into a life lesson. However, I sometimes do the opposite of what may be perceived to be “the right thing to do” that I have a judgment for. i.e. If I have judgment for licking my fingers as the dinner table, or something that isn’t the “spiritual” thing to do, I transform my own judgment by going into the behavior that’s “wrong” consciously to overcome it. Rather than resisting the behavior, I own it.
Quirky — my whole personality feels really quirky. I actually like cleaning, and I have been known to sometimes watch certain movies over 15 times (possibly upwards of 30).
How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
Humor. There are few things I love more than to laugh, and I’m pretty funny. A friend and I joked how it could sound arrogant, but we love our humor so much that if you don’t think we’re funny, you need to work on your humor! Just kidding, kind of… =)
