Confessions of a Solopreneur and Self-Love

self-love tips
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Written by Julie Ann Howlett

We all know this evil thought skill. It really doesn’t do anyone any good.

Learning to self love in the day-to-day is one of the most critical and perhaps vital habits an entrepreneur needs to have to stop the “never enough” hate going on inside their head.

Here are  5 tips for learning to have self love in the day-to-day

1. Start Your Day with Self Love

Confession…..One of my worst not-so-feel-good habits is to wake up with overwhelm. You know, that self-induced self-loathing of “Holy ——, why is that not done yet?!?!?” thought train. We all know this evil thought skill. It really doesn’t do anyone any good, and ironically it makes you shut down with all that you would do. You actually feel a ton less inclined to learn/perform the task you want to do after talking to yourself this way. (This has a name actually; it is termed cognitive dissonance in the neuroscience and education world).

Feel Better Knowing…. How do you counter this? Define what you want to start your waking thoughts with instead. Write out your intention the night before.Often, the last thing we read, write, or see is the thought our waking mind will revisit to when we wake up the next day. If your last thought is “Oh my gosh how will I get this all done” or “I should have gotten a lot more done today ugh” then you may be setting yourself up for some naysayer talk in the a.m.

Here is an intention I like to use with myself. Write this out in a journal or type it into a daily note-taking system you have.I start with my day with self-love and plan positive thoughts for my productivity“.

2. Ask yourself key “what do I need” questions.

Confession…If you are an entrepreneur like me, then you have a to do list a mile long, and cannot seem to eradicate nearly 75% of those items and/or you want to add in an impossible amount to do each day.

You look back on your progress at the end of the day and realize how much more you need to do,yet don’t self-love your work efforts from the day. Perhaps worst of all, you may have even worked on tasks that were not your most desired wants for that day. This is self-defeating.

Feel Better Knowing…. How do you counter this? Instead, keep your  to do list  around, but instead of default picking a subset of each day, begin by asking yourself when you start a day what I need/want to do.

A lot of time your inner wisdom knows exactly what would be most fulfilling to you for that day, but you need to pause and ask. Stop. Take a deep breath. Recognize a silence, and actually ask yourself some things instead of robotic-style going into guilt-induced action mode.

To drive this point home, I share words from lovely lady Oprah (Oprah Magazine, April 2015):

” For years I never had to think about what to do, or when to do it, because the SHOW was all consuming. I longed for that elusive, ephemeral balance. Once my life was mine to design, I found myself a bit unbalanced in structuring it. I’ve had to learn to plan what I want to do instead of always fulfilling the “have to dos”. It was a life altering shift. I’ve often said that the true meaning of freedom is what Toni Morrison described so poignantly inBeloved: ‘To wake up at dawn and decide what to do with the day’. I know for sure: it’s a beautiful thing when you get to decide. And now I fully embrace the change.”

So here are my ask myself questions I am using today and every day:

  • What do I want to do today to fulfill my self-love tank?
  • What do I want to do today to fulfill my body-love tank?
  • What do I want to do today to fulfill my money-love tank?
  • What do I want to do today to fulfill my spiritual love tank?
  • What do I want to do today to fulfill my career/fulfillment love tank?

The key here is to pause before asking yourself these questions. I like to take a deep breath, put my hand to my heart. Breathe in deeply once or twice, wait for silence, ask then journal my response. If you don’t pause, your brain may auto-pilot your guilt responses. Let these answers come to you from a place of inner knowing instead. (P.S. Gary Zukav and Kate Northrup are fantastic resources to help dive deeper into the first and third questions on there- they inspired those questions.)

3. Get A Self-Love Accountability Buddy

Confession: Your self-loathing runs amok, day in and day out and its like a runaway train silent-movie style in your mind.

Feel Better Knowing…. How do you counter this? Well, identify someone in your life who will not reinforce your negative moods, but instead build you up and supplant in positive “you are doing great” affirmations. This can be a business partner, life partner, or maybe even an education coach (wink, wink).

Since ancient times, we have lived in tight knit social groups. Now, many of us are living increasingly isolated lives working behind computer screens.  Schedule a weekly chat/talk session with that loving person you know and trust.

4. Remember, Rome Wasn’t Build in a Day

Confession: You set unrealistic expectations for what you should have finished and torture yourself about it at the end of the day.

Feel Better Knowing…. How do you counter this?  Remember, its the journey that matters a lot more than the output, the production, the product. You being you, for who you are, flaws, mistakes, and mosaic of wonder and all are what is defining your success. That is OK. Surround yourself with positive, amazing role models that support and affirm the journey, self-love style.

5.  Let Yourself Savor Nurturing Time When You Need It

Confession: You fight this theory tooth and nail. This would be slacking, right?

Feel Better Knowing…. How do you counter this? Sometimes you just have a week where you are just…sluggish, at the speed of turtle. Don’t torture yourself about it. Own it. Give yourself an extra nap. Wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Better, bolder productivity will be ready for you when you are over the hump.

Let it be, with love.


Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the above article. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?

I have accepted that I am allowed to be imperfect. I am still working on waking up with self love every day.

What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?

I seriously appreciate my creative side- it is ever flowing! I also appreciate my physical body being fit enough to perform the rigors of entrepreneurship. I am still working on appreciating my body with love during a mirror check.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?

I am so rewarded by achieving a bridge between my skillsets within education, neuroscience, love for nature and independence. I want a future where I can travel and allow my online business to free me of limitations of space and time.

We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth–we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are–your Identity?

I admit I love late night snacks too much, and it may be contributing to an extra pound in my belly. I am a night owl, and sometimes I cannot just quell the creativity when it strikes at the midnight hour!

“I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!) Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my willingness to inspire and heal in a super creative light that links all of my skill sets.



Image courtesy of —“Woman Enjoying and Laughing” by Photostock

About the author

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Julie Ann Howlett

Julie Ann Howlett is an experienced educator, brain science enthusiast, all-around-science advocate, and nature enthusiast. She has founded Julie Ann Howlett Consulting and Nurturing Neurons, a compassionate education start up offering learning modules for parents, nannies, caretakers, and educators. Follow her on Twitter @nurturingneuron and check out her video blog on YouTube Channel Nurturing Neurons

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