Growing up my mother usedÂ to say,Â â€œOuter beauty is skin deep, have a good tummy ache and itâ€™s gone. YouÂ donâ€™t care how you look, all you want is to feel better.â€
At the time, I did not really pay attention to what my motherÂ was saying or even understood. When youâ€™re young, itâ€™s â€œhere she goes againâ€, but over the years much of what my mom said comes back to me and I even find myself repeating them. What can I say, â€œI have turned into my mother.â€
But on a more serious note, recently I was forced to answer the question, â€œWhat makes you feel beautiful?â€ and it got me thinking about what really is inner beauty?
In our culture, we are conditioned to focus on outer beauty despite the fact that many of usÂ donâ€™t meet the supermodel beauty standards. WeÂ talk about inner beauty a lot butÂ do we really use it as a criterion to define beauty? This is a rhetorical question.
Soâ€¦ what is inner beauty? I did a lot of research and here are just a few insights I found:
- YourÂ self-esteem,Â attitude, sense of purpose, love for others and compassion.(Eva Ritvo, M.D. -Â Psychology Today)
- Confidence, flexibility, a radiant smile, focusing on what you have, not on what you donâ€™tÂ (Vivian Diller, Ph.D.Â Â – Â Psychology Today)
- Your unique light is your greatest asset and your unique definition. It is what makes you spark and most importantly, it already sits within you. Some cultures refer to it as your â€˜haraâ€™ â€“ your center or your spirit. I refer to it as your blueprint; it encompasses your qualities as a â€˜wholeâ€™ â€“ your personality, your physiology and your presence.Â Everything about you exists for a reason and together they unite to reflect a clear and intended picture that exists for a specific purpose.Â (Sarah Whittaker â€“ Â Self Growth.com)
In my humble opinion, the latter by Sarah Whittaker comes closest to defining inner beauty because itâ€™s all-encompassing. Itâ€™s your signature and no two people have the same one. The problem I have with the others is that self-esteem, sense of purpose, and a radiant smile are not constant. There are days when my confidenceÂ is shot, I donâ€™t feel like smiling, which I don’t, and I question my purpose.
Does my inner beautyÂ diminishÂ on those days?Â What do you think?
I also feel that some of the very things that we donâ€™t like about ourselves are what make us beautiful. For instance, I disliked that I am an introvert. Â Honestly, stillÂ struggleÂ with it because sometimes people see it as a sign of weakness. But, I have been working on embracingÂ this part of me.
For instance, I have come to realize that being quiet allows me to observe and get a better understanding, which is an asset. People also seem to trust me because they know what they share with me is not going anywhere.Â Â It also makes people curious because they donâ€™t know what Iâ€™m thinking.
By the way my fellowÂ introverts, there is an excellent book called Quiet, by Susan Cain.
Well, earlier I mentioned that I had to answer theÂ question -Â â€œWhat makes me feel beautiful?â€
This is what I wrote:
- I am helping others, especially when I practice coaching.
- I figure out another piece of the â€˜Faith Puzzleâ€™; that is, have what Oprah calls her â€˜aha momentâ€™ as it relates to figuring me out.
- I see or think about my children â€“ Daniel and Ashley. The greatest gifts I have ever been given.
- I reflect over my life and realize how God has been good to me. This is the greatest love that has been bestowed upon me. He knows it ALL but He still has my back!
- I am writing! Sharing my inner thoughts.
- Driving and listening to a book on CD (especially a James Patterson Alex Cross book)
- Walking along the towpath at Colonial Park on a nice day. Just beingÂ amongÂ nature
- Socializing with my family or friends
Itâ€™s your turn!
How do you define inner beauty?
What makes you feel beautiful?
Do you thinkÂ that inner beauty is really used as an indicator of true beauty?
It took time for me to acknowledge and accept that being anÂ introvert is one of the qualities that makes me a beautifulÂ person. Â For a long… time I wished I was more of anÂ extrovertÂ – Â life of the party because I felt so left out in most social settings. Â Â
What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?
I appreciate and love that I am not materialistic. This quality has many benefits – Â reduce clutter in my life and helps me to save money :-)Â
What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?
Being a single parent and raising two awesome young adults. I am proud of myÂ childrenÂ for who they are – their inner beauty. Â
One goal that I am still working on is to have a empowerment coaching program that works with women who are on public assistance or displaced homemakers.
What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?
Procrastination! Â There are certain things that I wait until last minute to do and it causes much stress in my life.Â
How would you complete the phrase â€œI Love Myâ€¦?â€
I love my children!