What Makes You Beautiful?

Accepting Yourself: What Makes You Beautiful
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Written by Faith Saunders

In our culture, we are conditioned to focus on outer beauty despite the fact that many of us don’t meet the supermodel beauty standards. We talk about inner beauty a lot but do we really use it as a criterion to define beauty?

Growing up my mother used  to say,  “Outer beauty is skin deep, have a good tummy ache and it’s gone. You  don’t care how you look, all you want is to feel better.”

At the time, I did not really pay attention to what my mother  was saying or even understood. When you’re young, it’s “here she goes again”, but over the years much of what my mom said comes back to me and I even find myself repeating them. What can I say, “I have turned into my mother.”

But on a more serious note, recently I was forced to answer the question, “What makes you feel beautiful?” and it got me thinking about what really is inner beauty?

In our culture, we are conditioned to focus on outer beauty despite the fact that many of us  don’t meet the supermodel beauty standards. We  talk about inner beauty a lot but  do we really use it as a criterion to define beauty? This is a rhetorical question.

So… what is inner beauty? I did a lot of research and here are just a few insights I found:

  • Your  self-esteem,  attitude, sense of purpose, love for others and compassion.(Eva Ritvo, M.D. –  Psychology Today)
  • Confidence, flexibility, a radiant smile, focusing on what you have, not on what you don’t  (Vivian Diller, Ph.D.    –  Psychology Today)
  • Your unique light is your greatest asset and your unique definition. It is what makes you spark and most importantly, it already sits within you. Some cultures refer to it as your ‘hara’ — your center or your spirit. I refer to it as your blueprint; it encompasses your qualities as a ‘whole’ — your personality, your physiology and your presence.  Everything about you exists for a reason and together they unite to reflect a clear and intended picture that exists for a specific purpose.  (Sarah Whittaker —  Self Growth.com)

In my humble opinion, the latter by Sarah Whittaker comes closest to defining inner beauty because it’s all-encompassing. It’s your signature and no two people have the same one. The problem I have with the others is that self-esteem, sense of purpose, and a radiant smile are not constant. There are days when my confidence  is shot, I don’t feel like smiling, which I don’t, and I question my purpose.

Does my inner beauty  diminish  on those days?  What do you think?

I also feel that some of the very things that we don’t like about ourselves are what make us beautiful. For instance, I disliked that I am an introvert.  Honestly, still  struggle  with it because sometimes people see it as a sign of weakness. But, I have been working on embracing  this part of me.

For instance, I have come to realize that being quiet allows me to observe and get a better understanding, which is an asset. People also seem to trust me because they know what they share with me is not going anywhere.    It also makes people curious because they don’t know what I’m thinking.

By the way my fellow  introverts, there is an excellent book called Quiet, by Susan Cain.

Well, earlier I mentioned that I had to answer the  question –  “What makes me feel beautiful?”

This is what I wrote:

I feel most beautiful when I am in harmony, that is, have an inner peace. The following are just a few of the things that help me to get into that space (they are not in order of priority).
I feel beautiful when:
  • I am helping others, especially when I practice coaching.
  • I figure out another piece of the ‘Faith Puzzle’; that is, have what Oprah calls her ‘aha moment’ as it relates to figuring me out.
  • I see or think about my children — Daniel and Ashley. The greatest gifts I have ever been given.
  • I reflect over my life and realize how God has been good to me. This is the greatest love that has been bestowed upon me. He knows it ALL but He still has my back!
  • I am writing! Sharing my inner thoughts.
  • Driving and listening to a book on CD (especially a James Patterson Alex Cross book)
  • Walking along the towpath at Colonial Park on a nice day. Just being  among  nature
  • Socializing with my family or friends

It’s your turn!

How do you define inner beauty?

What makes you feel beautiful?

Do you think  that inner beauty is really used as an indicator of true beauty?

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

It took time for me to acknowledge and accept that being an  introvert is one of the qualities that makes me a beautiful  person.  For a long… time I wished I was more of an  extrovert  –  life of the party because I felt so left out in most social settings.    

What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate and love that I am not materialistic. This quality has many benefits –  reduce clutter in my life and helps me to save money 🙂  

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

Being a single parent and raising two awesome young adults. I am proud of my  children  for who they are – their inner beauty.  

One goal that I am still working on is to have a empowerment coaching program that works with women who are on public assistance or displaced homemakers.

What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

Procrastination!  There are certain things that I wait until last minute to do and it causes much stress in my life.  

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my children!


About the author

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Faith Saunders

Faith has a Master’s Degree in Psychiatric Rehabilitation from UMDNJ and have over 18 years experience working in various capacities – training, coaching, project development, etc. – with many groups, including women in recovery, teenage mothers, youths and adults with emotional challenges.