I just love Susan’s Identity article about being a “BadAss Mom”
This movie, Bad Moms, has brought about a rebellion against the idea that we all have to be perfect parents. As moms, we are often so hard on ourselves and don’t cut ourselves any slack for mistakes and difficult moments. It is time to say enough is enough. Time to let go of the Mommy Guilt that holds us back and feel confident that we are doing just fine.
Since writing “Lose That Mommy Guilt, Tales and Tips from an Imperfect Mom” I have had readers reach out and tell me, “I needed to hear this right now.” It is as if we think everyone else has got this parenting thing down and we can’t quite figure out what we are doing wrong. Our experiences don’t match up to the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves.
This movie looks so funny and I can’t wait to see it, but I think it does just a bit more. It reminds other moms that you don’t need to be perfect to be a good and loving mother and that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and fed up with needing to be perfect.
In an interview about the movie, Mila Kunis, talked about how she forgot to strap her daughter in the car seat while driving. Yep, so many of us have been there. My daughter was less than a year old when I did the same thing. It was only when I got to my destination that I noticed I had put her in the car seat and never put on the five-point strap. Instead of feeling relief that she was okay I ruminated on the mistake and added to the running list of things I would beat myself up for in my head. Hearing Mila’s interview provided a momentary sense of relief and connection to her and all the other moms who have been there too.
I will never forget a moment about 10 years ago when my daughter was a toddler. We were in Target and I don’t remember exactly what she was doing at the time but it was clearly not what I wanted. Whether she was begging me to buy her a treat or acting out, I am not sure. I just remember trying really hard to keep myself together as I attempted to set limits with her in the middle of the store. I must have been clearly frazzled and I felt on the verge of yelling when an older woman came up to me out of nowhere. She said, “Mom, I know this is hard but you are doing a really good job. I can see you are wonderful mother.” I cried. Right there, in the store. I needed to hear that so badly. Now, 10 years later I don’t remember the situation, but I remember that comment and the impact it had on me.
The rise of the bad moms, for me is about normalizing the fact that we are all human, this is why I love the Identity Magazine label BadAss Mom!
As a therapist I often work with people who struggle with negative self-talk and self-judgments. They believe that if they feel guilty that makes them terrible parents. The truth is that we all make mistakes, and those mistakes do not define us. Kindness, forgiveness and compassion for others and for ourselves is critical to let go of the guilt that gets in the way of everyday parenting.
I am looking forward to enjoying the movie Bad Moms coming out this weekend and hope it serves as a reminder to everyone there that you don’t need to be perfect to be awesome!
For more information on Mommy Guilt, Tales and Tips from an Imperfect Mom, check out Mommy Guilt quoted in the New York Post, like it on Facebook or follow me on Twitter! Workshops also available for parents or employee groups in the New York/NJ area! If you are near Babies R Us in North Jersey, check out fall programs too!
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the above article. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.
1. What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?
When it comes to being a mom, practicing the self-compassion I teach. Some days it is better than others.
2. What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?
I appreciate my limitations and set realistic expectations.
3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?
I am most proud of my children right now. Goals and dreams to continue to do what I love and be there for them.
4. We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth–we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are–your Identity?
So many, some easier to accept than others. Work in progress.
5. “I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!) Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?”
I love my life as it is!