How to Gain Self-Assurance?

How to Gain Self-Assurance
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Written by Jennifer Harbaugh

Everyone is their own worst inner critic, whether it is what we wear or the tasks upon which we are working. Join author Jennifer Harbaugh as she shares “How to Gain Self-Assurance?”

Are you one of those people who tells yourself that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to make them, but still criticize yourself anyway? Me, too.

Are you one of those people who compares yourself to anyone else, from appearance to personality to what you perceive as success, and you know you shouldn’t do that, but still do anyway? Yeah, me too.

Everyone is their own worst inner critic, whether it is what we wear or the tasks upon which we are working, but there are some of us who overly criticize ourselves. This criticism causes a dip in self-esteem that can cause chaos in your relationship with yourself and with others.

Pause. I mean it. Stop. Take a pause.

Think about which elements make you feel inadequate about yourself. Why are you overly critical? Why do you lack confidence?

Analyze the problem. Analyze deeply until you have hit the root. Reflect. Accept and forgive. Move on.

With the past in the trash, look at the present day. What now? How can I gain self-assurance?

Here’s some suggestions to get your started.

If you feel you lack in beauty or are displeased with your appearance, then do this:

Look at the mirror every morning and night (I know, I hate looking into mirrors, but this helps!) and say five things that are beautiful about you, increasing the numbers slowly daily. For example: “I am beautiful today because my hair looks good.” “I am beautiful today because I’m wearing sexy clothes.” Then write these affirmations down daily.

In large letters, write down “I AM BEAUTIFUL” on a peace of paper and put it on the refrigerator or somewhere so that you can see it every day. Say it aloud as you read it! Scream it to the world, if you feel the need to.

If you feel a lack of self-assurance about yourself, from your abilities to your intelligence to being good enough as a person, try steps similar to those listed above.

Write a list of five things that you are good at, every day. You can list everything from writing good poetry to being a good cook. Increase the length of the list daily.

In large letters, write down “I AM ENOUGH” and put it somewhere you can see it every day. Say it aloud as you read it! Scream it to the world, if you feel the need to.

Write a list of accomplishments you have made in your life. Post it on the refrigerator and add to the list as time goes by.

I suggest this because we need to get rid of our old habits of criticizing ourselves, and the best way of doing that is to put new positive thoughts in our minds daily. Sooner than you realize, the old thinking habits will be tired of fighting for space in your head and will give way to the new, healthier thoughts, hence your gain of self-assurance in your mind, heart, and soul. With belief in yourself, you can conquer any obstacle you encounter. Start with defeating your inner critics, one by one!

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

What have you accepted in your life that took time, physically or mentally?

It took me a while to finally accept that I’m different from everyone else and I should not adapt myself to the society norms. So what if I am not thin? As long I am living a healthy lifestyle. So what if I don’t want to wear a dress and heels? As long I have clothes to wear everyday. I should be living the life I want, not the life the people want me to live.

What do you appreciate about yourself and within your life?

I appreciate the fact I am still alive and being given a second chance to reclaim myself. Not many people are lucky like me and I am grateful for that.

What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What goals do you still have?

My most rewarding achievement is that I exceeded everyone’s expectations of what a Deaf person can do. I have many goals, still…but, if I have to pick one goal and that is educating the world about the most important things in life.

What is your not-so-perfect way? What imperfections and quirks create your Identity?

Do I really have to tell? Okay, procrastination is my “not-so-perfect” way, probably the reason why it took me long enough to finally realize I need to start reclaiming myself at age 26. My imperfections are: biting my nails and being a worry wart.

How would you complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my mind, I cannot believe that I came up with this article. So eternally grateful for that creativity part of my brain doing the hard work for me.

About the author

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Jennifer Harbaugh

Jennifer Harbaugh's passion of reading and writing started when she was a junior at Maryland School for the Deaf. She got her BA in English from Pennsylvania State University in 2008, and a MFA in Dramatic Writing from Goddard College in 2014. She just returned to graduate school, McDaniel College, for the second time to get a MS in Deaf Education after falling in love with teaching.

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