3 ‘Dos’ for Dating After Divorce

3 'Dos' for Dating After Divorce
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Written by Sheryl Coonan

Many folks are successful in finding love after divorce. And today, it’s easier than ever to get back into the dating scene.

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With divorces becoming more and more common in America, dating after divorce is more common than ever. However, even though it is somewhat of a commonality, it often comes with a certain level of anxiety.

No breakup is easy, and the end of a marriage can bring about strong emotions – including anger, loneliness and sadness. However, it’s encouraging to know that many folks are successful in finding love after divorce. And today, it’s easier than ever to get back into the dating scene.

Read on for some expert tips for dating after divorce.

Do consider your kids first

If you have children, dating should be approached with caution. Experts agree that it’s best to take it slow when introducing the idea of dating to your children, as well as introducing a new love to them in person.

While there are no hard and fast rules as to when the right time is to introduce your new mate to your kids, it’s best not to do so until you know him well enough to know he will be around for the foreseeable future. Kids of divorce have also been through a lot, and it’s important to consider their feelings. Not to mention they may get attached to your new beau quickly, and if things go awry, it can be tough on them, too.

Do app it up

In today’s tech-focused world, it’s no surprise that the world of dating has followed suit. But with the plethora of dating sites and apps, which are your best bets?

Here are five of the most popular dating sites:

  • Match
  • Plentyoffish
  • Zoosk
  • Okcupid
  • eHarmony

Match.com is perhaps the most well-known dating site and is quick and easy to use. You can create a profile in about 15 minutes. However, you’ll have to do the searching of possible partners on your own. The monthly subscription rate of Match is about $42.

eHarmony, on the other hand, offers great insight into potential mates; however, it will take you a while to complete the intense questionnaire. But hey, it’s backed by science, which will cost you about $60 a month.

The free dating sites can be likened to old-fashioned singles ads. Plenty of Fish is attractive because it’s free and has the largest database of users. OKCupid is similar to Plenty of Fish in that it is free; however, it is a bit more data-reliant. It relies on your responses to polls and other questions to find possible matches. And Zoosk similarly uses a “behavioral matchmaking” engine to help its users find love. Not sure? Try them all and see what works best for you.

Do get your pic right

An effective profile picture is key to online dating. But put away that expensive digital camera and cancel the appointment with a photographer. Your smartphone’s camera, like the Samsung Galaxy S6, is well equipped to take a great shot.

Studies show that spending excessive time on perfecting the lighting of a photo, as well as retouching, is actually ineffective. It’s much more effective, experts say, to take an authentic photo that shows your honest appearance, as well as a bit of your personality.

Complexity Theorist and TED speaker Hannah Fry shares that the biggest mistake folks on dating sites make is using photos that minimize the things they believe will make people find them unattractive. For example, if a man despises his bald head, he should not opt for a photo that covers it up. Likewise, if a woman feels she’s gained a few extra pounds, she should not crop her body out of the photo. Instead, Fry says, play up what you feel makes you unique and confident – and the right people will find you.

At the end of the day, the dating world can be scary as you’re getting reacquainted to it. Although it may feel like uncharted territory, it can also be exciting and fun. So whichever route you choose, enjoy your time playing the field with an open heart until you find that special someone.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the above article. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

1. What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?

The fact that you can truly only count on yourself. Most folks will let you down at one point or another–whether intentionally or unintentionally. But relying on yourself will make you stronger.  

2. What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?

I appreciate that I am a loyal friend and family member. I would go to bat for those I care about, no questions asked.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?

One of the most rewarding achievements in my life was receiving my master’s degree. My goals change regularly, but right now I’d like to get out of debt from said degree…and keep my house clean. 🙂

4. We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth–we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are–your Identity?

I would say I am not-so-perfect in that I let thing affect me–the news, negativity, other peoples’ opinions, etc.  

5. “I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!) Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my continued desire to get better.

About the author

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Sheryl Coonan

Sheryl Coonan is a lifestyle, fashion, career and tech writer from metro Detroit.