3 Shifts To Be a More Confident Mom

3 Shifts To Be a More Confident Mom
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Written by Cara Maksimow

I don’t want my kids to grow up and feel overwhelmed and stressed because they saw me ignore my own physical, emotional and mental health trying to be perfect—I want them to see me as a confident mom.

Featured photo by London Scout

Are You A Confident Mom?

I used to think that being a good and confident mom meant sacrificing my needs at all costs. I know many moms believe that to be true. Now, I think that this kind of thinking derails us from the peaceful, happy, and confident mom moments that we hope to have with our children.

Today, my parenting is less about being perfect and more about being real. That has made me a better parent. Not a perfect parent, just better.

Here are 3 Shifts To Be a More Confident Mom!

F****  “Perfect”

Letting go of my need to be perfect allowed me to let go of the guilt I felt when I took care of my needs. The old saying, “put on your oxygen mask first” not only helps me be a better parent,  it also allows  me to be a role model for my children.  I don’t want my kids to grow up and feel overwhelmed and stressed because they saw me ignore my own physical, emotional and mental health trying to be perfect.

I want them to know that it is okay to make mistakes and keep striving. Embracing imperfection motivated me to write  “Lose That Mommy Guilt  and has continued to remind me how the drive to be perfect made motherhood so much harder. I  am more forgiving of myself and of my children and I accept my imperfections as I strive to improve.

Now I recognize the negative effects that my perfectionism had on myself and on my family. I see how much added stress my negative judgments caused me. My negative self-talk and inner dialogue did not motivate me to be better. Only accepting myself did.

Practice Gratitude

It is so easy to get caught up in all the negativity and focus on what isn’t going well in life. Instead, take a few minutes to recognize what is working and what is going right. What we focus on tends to be what we recognize and our minds are selective and put more importance on what we consciously focus on.

If we are always looking at and thinking about what is wrong or negative, we will see more of it. So take some time each day to reflect on what is going right! This is a great habit to start doing with our children. My kids and do a practice I call “Fill Your BAG Happy”.

We imagine a BAG that collects negative energy, stress and other problems from our day and we visualize dumping it out and refilling it with answers to three questions that spell out the word BAG. B- What is the Best and Brightest part of my day? A – What did I Accomplish? G – what am I truly Grateful for?

Practice Mindfulness

Allowing my thoughts to come and go without holding on to them or pushing them away allows me to not get caught up in believing my thoughts. I can now more often recognize when perfectionistic thoughts drive my emotions and actions in an unhelpful way.

Mindfulness taught me to be more patient and created a distinction between “reacting” and “responding.” If you are new to mindfulness, it does not have to be overwhelming. Just a few minutes a day can have an impact. There are some really great phone apps that can guide you. My favorites are calm, headspace and insight timer.

Self-care looks different for different people, but for me  it is about embracing imperfection, gratitude and mindfulness for a happier, healthier and more productive me–and a more confident mom!

Posted originally on  TodayParents and Maximize Wellness Blog.

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life — Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.TM Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the above article. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

1. What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?

Fully accepting myself as I am.

2. What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate within yourself and/or life?

My life and challenges throughout Motherhood.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? And what makes YOU most proud? Any goals and dreams that you still have?

My family.

4. We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth–we are all perfectly imperfect. What imperfections and quirks create who you are–your Identity?

I have learned there are plenty and I am ok with them as they are!

5. “I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!) Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my life.

About the author

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Cara Maksimow

Cara is a therapist, coach, author & speaker dedicated to helping others successfully navigate through times of stress and challenge. As the founder of Maximize Wellness Counseling and Coaching LLC she provides clinical therapy, coaching, wellness workshops on various topics including Increasing Optimism, Goal Setting, Resilience. She is also the Author of “Lose than Mommy Guilt, Tales and Tips from an Imperfect Mom” as well as series of Calendar/Planners to keep you on track with personal and professional goals every day. She specializes in supportive positive therapy and coaching services for life and work transitions, depression, anxiety and managing disease. She works collaboratively with her clients on problem solving, goal setting, identification of strengths, increasing resiliency, stress reduction, positivity and mindfulness. More information on services, schedule a free phone consultation or to check out workshops or books, “Lose That Mommy Guilt” or “Kick Ass Plan” go to be website www.maximize-wellness.com