Single or Married, You Can Add Years of Happiness to Your Life
All relationships have their ups and downs, especially the one with ourselves. And itâ€™s easy to see how your partner is at fault for the problems. But, are you sabotaging your relationship without even realizing it? The most successful relationships consistently make the effort to make their relationship work.
The only way to know if you are sabotaging your relationship, is to take a hard look at your behavior â€“ not your partners or others in your life.
Start by thinking about your childhood.
Itâ€™s important to begin here because how you deal with difficulties today is often the reflection of how you were treated as a child. What childhood issues and pain could be behind your behaviors that are damaging your relationship today?
Maybe you struggle with fully trusting your partner. Itâ€™s possible you could trace your trust issues to your parentsâ€™ lack of emotional presence in your life.
By recognizing things like this, youâ€™ll gain the necessary control that allows you to monitor which behaviors trigger your negative reactions to your partner. Then you can prevent yourself from undermining your relationships.
Another way you might be hurting your relationship is by how you talk to yourself.
Many psychologists refer to theÂ â€œcritical inner voiceâ€ as the enemy of healthy relationships. When your critical inner voice is at work, one of the things it can do is reinforce your lack of self-esteem.Â Low self-esteem can prevent you from believing that you deserve a good relationship.
This belief then activates negative perceptions of your partner. Viewing your partner through negativity makes it easy to blame your mate for all the problems in your relationship. This could even include wanting feelings of love for him/her because of your fault finding.
The third way you might be sabotaging your relationship is by being too comfortable.
When you first entered the relationship, you did everything you could to make it work out because you wereÂ in love.Â Back then, it’s easy to communicate just about anything. In fact, you were probably so in tune with each other that at times it seemed as if you could read each otherâ€™s mind, right?
And this easiness allowed you to become comfortable â€“ maybe way too comfortable â€“ with your relationship.
Perhaps youâ€™ve relaxed into the â€œfactâ€ that your partner knows you so well. You may have relaxed to the point where you are no longer communicating regularly with her/him about whatâ€™s important to you. Maybe youâ€™ve also stopped asking about what s/he finds important, have you?
Another way you may be taking your relationship for granted is by not spending enough quality time together.Â Making the time to regularly focus on each other is critical to a successful relationship. If youâ€™re not doing this, you are without a doubt damaging your relationship.
If you now recognize that you are sabotaging your relationship by one or more of these behaviors, youâ€™re on your way to resolving the issues. Itâ€™s only by recognizing your part that you can start taking responsibility for fixing your part.
Fixing your triggers will take effort. And it wonâ€™t guarantee that your mate will fix theirs, but it’s a start.
However, now that you know how you can improve things, you can choose to do your part to make sure your relationship has more ups than downs.
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