How to Master Feeling Confident Despite a Rigid Society

How to Understand and fit into Society
Yudy Veras Bueno, The Joyful Shaman
Written by Yudy Veras Bueno

How can I even begin the journey toward happiness within myself and society when I feel so confused and lost inside?

Although the essence of what we see through our senses seems separate and fragmented, there is a way to understand and fit into the society in which you live in.

We spend a lifetime struggling with fears, feeling inadequate, and lose ourselves trying to fit into society with rigid rules and inflexible understanding. In addition, we spend most of our lives trying to understand ourselves and others.

We’ll spend a lifetime navigating all of these feelings and emotions

However, rarely do we genuinely take the time for self-reflection and to find the root cause of our deepest fears, pain, and suffering.

This internal battle creates a myriad of insecurities and doubts, and for some becoming invisible in a chaotic reality becomes a choice. We become anxious and even depressed because the separation and self-fragmentation does not feel right. 

Our body becomes tense, stressed, and we feel drained.  A sense of tiredness and deep disconnect become very familiar. We feel like nothing we achieve or do is ever enough. This feeling of loss and emptiness is reflected in our whole being and environment. 

We are trying to find happiness in our jobs, kids, partners, friends, and the many roles we play.

We are so willing to sacrifice anything for a sense of validation. Sometimes we would like for someone to say, “Yes, you are right,” “Yes, that’s the correct decision,” “Yes, I care for you,” “Yes, I see you.”

However, we forget the simple truth that happiness is a state of being. It is truly a choice and a decision we make every day. The recognition that happiness begins with ourselves is a notion that we are still trying to understand as we find ourselves incapable of grasping this profound truth.

Yet, somehow, deep inside we do know that the first requirement for real happiness is accepting, embracing, and appreciating ourselves. 

The question becomes, how can I even begin the journey toward happiness within myself and society when I feel so confused and lost inside? 

This is the question I asked myself after facing a heart attack that threatened my life and other physical conditions that created many limitations.

Of course, a heart attack makes total sense now, as I look to the past and see how my heart was truly aching. My heartfelt empty, a deep abyss of endless darkness, jealousy, anger, and resentment. 

I experienced an inner sadness that was suturing every aspect of my life. There was a lack of self-appreciation and compassion for sure, and that manifested as severe judgments toward myself and others.

At that time it seemed like a senseless battle to try to find any answers. Every time I asked questions, the answers seemed even further away.

I realized then that what I needed was an in-depth exploration to get to know the real me underneath the many roles I played as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, businesswoman, and minority working woman.

What was underneath these myriads of responsibilities and seemingly separated roles? 

How could I begin to understand myself if I was defined by all these different aspects of the same personality? After closer observation, I realized that there must be more, an underlining uniting principle to all this.

I just could not see it from the angle I was living through. I decided that I needed a new angle, a new point of view so that I could grasp what was happening.

There was a challenge, the how… How could I begin a journey that I had never taken before? How would I know when the understanding was gained? Would I change it? Would my role as mom, wife, partner, and so on change? I realized that there were questions and doubts and a lot of fears.

However, I also knew that I didn’t want to change the positive traits I had gained along the way. I was a determined, resilient individual—how would this new knowledge change that? Would I lose myself? How can you lose something you are not even sure you have?

But, because my curiosity was more prominent than my fears of losing what I had gained, I embarked on a journey to find and explore my true self. I gathered every ounce of courage I could find. 

How to Understand and fit into Society

Are you asking what happens then? How did you begin the journey? 

Well, first, anything begins with awareness, the power of observation and intelligent inquiry, the power of asking questions. First, you must know that anything you want and need already exists; so all you need to do then is find someone that has already found answers to these deep questions. Someone who already has traveled this intense journey for self-knowledge or self-realization. 

In India, for instance, the role of a Guru is never underestimated; this ancient culture knows the value of guidance and teaching through experiential demonstration and practice. So, that seemed easy, all I needed to do was to find a mentor or mentors, so I did.

As easy as that sounds, the next decision was how much was I willing to pay for this knowledge? Anything! I was ready to have the experience that would let me know how better to understand my true nature, so I was willing to pay anything within my means.

This was indeed the best investment ever, I was able to learn and integrate lessons from the past, heal my inner child, forgive myself and others. And most importantly, I learned to re-define true self-love and self-care.

The win, gaining substantial and practical spiritual wisdom allowed me to master feeling comfortable with being myself. 

I learned that there is magic in the unseen. We struggle with wanting to know how things will unfold, what will happen next. However, I learned that there is extraordinary power in not knowing

Yes, I had no idea how this journey was about to unfold, but that created even more curiosity.

I discovered some profound truths and found that under the many layers in which I was buried, there was an unchangeable essence, a field of unity that underlies the many.

I was able to gather the pieces of the puzzle, all of the parts that were supposedly fragmented and scattered. To then find peace, deep self-understanding, immense love, compassion, and true joy and happiness.  

I will admit, in the beginning, I was a little scared to dive into the teachings and mysteries of ancient knowing fully. However, I discovered, that for the one who is ready to receive these teachings, what we called “mysteries” are only mysteries because we haven’t taken the time to understand them. 

For those ready to receive the knowledge, the door opens because those who are seeking are prepared to understand and grasp that which lies beyond our senses.

Therefore, the teachings are not to change the unchangeable or to merely understand it, but to become aware of a deeper connection to which you are already connected. Therefore, teachers, gurus, mentors, coaches, and guides are nothing more than a projection of what you are seeking. 

Know that the function of a master is only to serve as a guiding principle for what you already know. He or she merely helps you remember that which is seeded deep into your soul.

Take love, for instance, this is a concept that cannot be taught or explained logically. You can only experience love from within the depth of your being.

This is the journey of any spiritual path. The always evolving and expanding through the re-discovery of what is. 

I invite you to join me in discovering your true essence with our Light Warrior Programs

Identity Magazine is all about guiding women to discover their powers of Self-AcceptanceAppreciation, and Personal Achievement.

We ask that every contributor and expert answer the Identity questions in keeping with our theme. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the current article they have writtenIn that way, and as a team, we hope to encourage and motivate each other, thus inspiring you to Get All A’s.

1. What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? Additionally, what are you still working on accepting? Now, we’re not talking about resignation, rather stepping into, embraced, and owned.

That everything happens for a reason – the law of Cause and effect is always at work. Additionally, what are you still working on accepting? Now, we’re not talking about resignation, rather stepping into, embraced, and owned.

Well if everything happens for a reason, then I learned to accept things for what they are without the need to fight them. Allow the learning to take place and letting things flow. This is called mindfulness.

2. Appreciation is everything. What have you learned to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? On the other hand OR in contrast, are there elements of who you are that you’re still working on appreciating?

Throughout my years of experiences and learning, I became to realize how powerful and amazing we truly are as human beings. We are pure potential, but that potential can be active or dormant, and so I’m working on appreciating and activating my full potential, which means putting myself out there, and learning to appreciate my flaws and shortcomings

3. Share with us one of your most rewarding achievements in life? Tell us not only what makes YOU most proud but also share the goals and dreams that you still have.

The most rewarding is appreciating the fact that you are alive here and now.. and finding the magic and beauty in the simple things. I’m proud of my kids, they are just beautiful human beings.

Proud my third baby, my new book, The Becoming of a Light Warrior, and of course the work that I do guiding women to re-discover their self-love!

Well my mission is spreading happiness in the middle of the chaos, so there is a lot of work that needs to be done, especially with young adults who are suffering so much with a sense of disconnect, which causes anxiety and depression

Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

About the author

Yudy Veras Bueno, The Joyful Shaman

Yudy Veras Bueno

Yudy Veras Bueno, is a Spiritual Guide, international speaker, and best-selling author. She is known as the “joyful shaman” to the women in her tribe. “Finding joy”, she says is “the key to life.” Her #1 best, selling book, The Becoming of A Light Warrior, a practical guide to emotional breakthrough is written to answer the cry of many women in need of healing. She has served hundreds of women and their loved ones.

The book is a powerful guide to self-transformation. In it, readers will find the push to become unstuck, redefining their self-love and self-care. Yudy says,
“I want women to understand that the road to emotional breakthrough all begins with redefining self-love and self-care so they can find their true self-worth.”

In her award-winning coaching program, The Light Warrior Series and through her life-changing healing circles, women breakthrough emotional pain, self-imposed limitations, and chronic stress. Yudy’s mission is to help women create
a thriving life that comes from the heart, unleashing the Light Warrior within.
The program is raw, real and inspiring.

Yudy has appeared on television, radio, podcasts and in print. She is a certified reiki master practitioner and mindfulness coach.

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