Mompreneur, Your Kids are Not The Priority

Motivational Speaker for Mompreneurs-Susan Vernicek-Mindset Coach
I’ve experienced imposter syndrome and so has pretty much every Mompreneur going after what she wants.
Written by Susan Vernicek

Reflections from the Mirror

Your kids are not the priority.

An Audacious, I know.

It’s an audacious thing to say, but I’m Mom of twins, an entrepreneur and a coach for moms who work from home and run a business.

We need all the audacity we can get.

Something was wrong

I was sitting on my stiff office couch, intensely planning my 3rd conference for 65 women coming to the beautiful Poconos. 

I didn’t want to lose the momentum I had gained as a business owner, so I didn’t slow down after giving birth. 

My just-born, sweet, 8-week-old twins were asleep in the next room. 

And In an instant, I felt numb.

My face felt strange, and my gut told me something was wrong.

I bolted to the bathroom and leaned over the sink to get as close as I could to the mirror.

There I saw, half my face was frozen still. I tried to smile and only one side was moving.

It was Bell’s Palsy. 

Have you ever felt like you were failing yourself, your kids, and your business?

That’s how I felt.

I crumbled to my knees 

Fast forward a couple of weeks.

I was walking to the kitchen to get a bottle of formula and I dropped hard to the floor as a sharp shooting pain crumbled me to my knees. 

It’s my back – giving out from the double duty of pack-n-play and crib life for twins. I thank God I’m not holding one or even both of my babies. 

I’m only a couple months post vaginal twin delivery, and supposed to be taking care of myself and resting – which is really unrealistic advice for a new mom of twins. Am I right, mamas?

I’m trying to heal my whooha and keep two adorable infants alive – and have no clue what the hell I’m doing. 

I used to be such a badass, but I’m not feeling like a badassn now. 

And I remember hysterically crying thinking “How am I going to do this?”

This marks the 2nd time in 2 weeks, I feel like I’m failing myself, my kids, and my biz.

Bam! I’m trapped

Before I got married and had kids, I went through personal challenges that had my life spiraling out of control. I was trapped in an unfulfilling 9-5 cube life, in debt, overweight, and unhappy. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I felt lost.

Using the process I teach today, I took charge of my life and worked my ass off to develop and create a new identity. 

I paid off a $30,000 debt, pulled myself out of a severe depression, and dropped the 50 pounds I gained from numbing myself with food, shopping, and drinking. 

My career started to take off. I created Identity Magazine, published my first book, and spoke all over the country as a motivational speaker on how to get all a’s in the game of life. 

I loved my career, my freedom, and the flexibility of having my own business.

I felt alive and excited by my new audacious entrepreneurial identity.

Then Bam! 

I’m married with twins, I have Bell’s palsy, and a shitty back at 34 Suddenly, I felt trapped and lost again.

I’m frustrated and resentful. Was I back at the beginning? Lost in who I was and what I wanted? 

Feeling Lonely

Because I was spending so much time inside my home with young kids, I’d paint the walls of my house over and over in an attempt to feel productive and feel some forward motion.  

But when I glanced in the living room mirror, I saw a tired, overwhelmed mom who had no time to work on her business or take care of herself. 

Even with a husband at home, adorable kids, and freshly painted walls, I felt stuck, sad, and lonely. 

Ya know, a Harvard Study found that loneliness was as closely linked to an early death as smoking or alcoholism.

I missed connections and community, but frankly, I missed my badass, audacious self. 

Where did she go?

I know I’m not the only one who’s felt this aching pain of losing their identity to motherhood.

I also know I’m not the only mom with the guilt over having a beautiful family and still feeling unfulfilled and wanting more. 

I knew something had to change. 

So instead of shaking yet another can of paint to re-decorate the kitchen, I gave my head a shake, and reminded myself if I could pull myself out of a tough spot before, I could do it again. 

The audacity to achieve

I wanted my agency back.

I wanted that glorious feeling of personal accomplishment that I felt in my business.

But how could I have time for both? 

I had so much guilt. 

I was in a tug of war between the needs of my family and the needs of myself. 

It was raw and real. 

There’s a concept we’ve been sold, a myth that motherhood means sacrificing everything for your children. 

And I’m here to tell you, that’s not the only way.  

Remember the shocking statement I made at the beginning? Your kids are not the priority?

This statement may cause you discomfort, challenge societal norms, and spark a cascade of emotions – including guilt. 

But the truth is: 

Your kids are important.

Your partner is important. 

Your business is important.

But you are the priority.

Your physical health matters.

Your mental health matters.

Your dreams matter. 

You matter. 

Motivational Speaker for Mompreneurs-Susan Vernicek-Mindset Coach

Give yourself permission 

I knew that by choosing to prioritize myself and my aspirations, it wouldn’t take away my love and commitment to my family. 

It would strengthen it. 

I knew if I could tap into that part of me that was bold, audacious and came alive with achievement, I would feel stronger, more confident, energized and optimistic, and that would only benefit my family and my business. 

I didn’t wait for someone to give me permission to go after my dreams. I gave it to myself. 

The juggling act

I gave myself permission to start.

It was a juggling act to carve out time for myself, my business, my husband, and kids, to find balance and flow in the chaos. 

So I did what I do best. I took imperfect action. 

Here’s how I started. I heightened my awareness in the the areas I wanted to improve.

Friendships

My friends and I set up a Girl’s Night Out on repeat every month to drop it like it’s hot on the dance floor, to vent, cry, and do all the things your friends don’t judge you for. 

65% of Mompreneurs spend LESS TIME with friends since starting a business, but making an Absolute Commitment to friendships is the recharge you need.

Fitness

I become adaptable. I got BeachBody on Demand and made workouts a non-negotiable in the comfort of my own home. 

About 70% of Mompreneurs work out LESS OFTEN since starting a business. We can’t expect to achieve our dreams if we’re too tired to get off the couch!

Communication

I talked to my husband. I got more accurate with my communication and shared openly with him about my goals, dreams and the support I needed. 

Did it go perfectly? No. But it’s a process. He’s an ally in my journey and he needs to know how he can help—and vice versa. The more I shared, the more trust we had in each other and trust is the foundation for change-making discussions.

Consistent self-care

I told myself: self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. You must develop a deeper appreciation for self-care.

I knew if I had the agency and appreciation to take care of myself, I’d be better equipped to take care of my family and business. You need it to survive and thrive as a Mompreneur. One example for me are my automated doctor and dental routines.

Boundaries

I stopped negotiating and apologizing for taking time for myself – even when I felt pangs of guilt. I set audacious boundaries around my time to act as bridges between my personal and professional life. 

I don’t work on the weekends, however NOW they sleep in and I make room for one client every other Saturday AM.   

Willingness to fail

I’m not perfect. But I have the abundant belief that I am phenomenal! 

There are days that go seriously off the rails and I get pulled into old, self-defeating habits. 

But I’ve built a foundation that keeps me steady and grounded 80% of the time in Active Self-Acceptance.

Acceptance of guilt

I have helped hundreds of Mompreneurs and every single day they feel guilty when they choose their kids over their business and vice versa. 

I have an Anchored Self-trust that that even though I’m going to feel guilty on some days, I won’t give it the power to change my choices.

I even joke, that now I feel guilty for not feeling guilty! 

It’s always here and so I call it the guilt fairy, which reminds me that I do care about both.

Then, I thank the fairy and send it off to go harass a man! 

You are the priority

Do you ever feel like you have to:

  • Push the workout aside because your child woke up?
  • Can’t spend money because your husband pays more of the bills?
  • Stay home and clean because because your  husband is out working?
  • Stay up all night because there’s not enough hours in the day?
  • Wait until it’s “my time”? 

(What does that even mean? Your kids will need you in every season. 

Diapers. Preschool. Sports. College. Jobs. Marriage. Grandkids)

What if you look in the mirror now and think: This is my time, too. 

Bring your A-Game

You can achieve synergy between MomLife and BizLife.

You can use my A-Game Formula to guide you on your journey. It’s a journey that reshapes the narrative, defies comparison, and empowers not just you, but your entire family. 

Awareness
Active Self-Acceptance
Appreciation
Agency
Adaptability
Anchored Self-trust
Audacious Boundaries
Abundant Beliefs
Absolute Commitment
Accurate Communication

You can find your audacious, bold, fun self, who is full of ambition and achievement, and by redefining priorities, you can shine brightly without compromise. 

You can release the layers of guilt, judgment, and comparison that shroud your choices as mompreneurs.

You can look in the mirror and see a woman staring back at you – whose dreams coexist harmoniously with your role as a mom

Who nurtures themselves and their potential, as well as their children. 

Who’s an amazing mom and successful entrepreneur making profits, taking center stage, and creating a legacy of balance, success, and most importantly, fulfillment.

Smile at that woman in the mirror. 

She’s audacious. 

She’s bold.

Her dreams matter. 

She matters.

YOU MATTER.

It is YOUR time, too.

About the author

I’ve experienced imposter syndrome and so has pretty much every Mompreneur going after what she wants.

Susan Vernicek

Mindset Coach, Susan Vernicek ignites and empowers Mompreneurs who struggle to discover their balance between MomLife + BizLife. For over a decade she's been helping them create a winning Mompreneur Mindset so that they can consciously thrive at home and KILL IT in business —without feeling guilty and letting go of the comparison game.

With 14 years of experience and overcoming her own emotional, financial, and physical rock bottom, she's now thriving as a Mompreneur.

She's not just a mindset coach and igniter, she's known as the Mindset + Achieve™ coach, a #1 Amazon Bestseller, and Speaker. Move from autopilot to achieving in MomLife + BizLife! To connect directly, please Email Susan at Susan@susanvernicek.com

Leave a Comment